Small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.


My Goals - 2 Week Update

Its been two weeks since I wrote THIS post about goals. Since I want to stay committed to my goals I thought I would write a follow-up post to update my progress. In my previous post last week I said…

To become debt free this week I am going to...
  Monitor spending at least every other day.
  Pack lunch all week.
  Spend $0 other than gas this week

So over the last two weeks I’ve done great with this goal. I did pack my lunch all of last week and all of this week with the exception of getting breakfast each Sunday. On top of that, we only ate out one time both weekends which is HUGE for us. We’ve also driven into work together everyday for two weeks which has reduced our gas cost by half. Those changes alone are so big for us and our budget. Almost every morning I think about an egg white and cheese sandwich from Panera Bread, but once I pass the exit I get over it. Moving forward with the next week my goals remain very similar.

To become debt free next week I am going to...
  Continue to monitor my spending
  Pack my lunch all next week
  Spend $0 other than gas
  Eat out only once on the weekends This is a new goal and will be the hardest. We always eat out on the weekend which blows through money. I’m going to pick a new recipe or two to try out which will motivate   me to want to eat at home as well.
  Ride to work with Adam whenever possible-saves more money than anything else we could do

In my second goal I said…To help me lose 25 pounds this week I am going to...
  Log all food that goes into my mouth all week long. 
  No fast food this week. 
  Exercise every night this week starting the 30 day shred. 

So I haven’t done quite as well with this goal. I did log just about everything that went into my mouth and I’ve been doing better and better about adding the recipes of items I’ve cooked and not just guessing by pulling similar items out of the database. I also stuck with the no fast food with the one exception of breakfast Sunday morning at McDonalds, but at least I logged it. The exercise part is where I failed completely. I did the 30 day shred one time. Once. It’s pathetic, I know.

I’ve thought a lot about why I’ve failed this. I have a ton of excuses in my head. I need a mat, I hate workout videos, I’m busy, tired ect, but the truth is if I wanted it bad enough I would have done it. Do I have that much of a problem with delayed gratification that I cannot see the long term benefits? If I’m to be honest with myself I think the reason stems from knowing that I won’t be happy with my body even if I can lose more weight and for that reason I feel like it’s not worth the effort. Will I be happier, yes, but not really happy. Before I got pregnant I was the biggest I’ve ever been at 180 plus pounds, but I wasn’t nearly as unhappy with my body as I am today. It wasn’t just the pregnancy that added stretch marks and ended with a c-section scar, but it is everything my body incurred afterwards. It’s not easy to talk about, think about, or look at. I have significant scars all over my body. I’d say that most people that would see me on a day to day basis would never know. Some might notice the scar on my neck from my tracheotomy, but this is a small scar. When I am in a swimsuit you might get a glimpse under my swim skirt of the large scar on the back of my leg due to necrotizing fasciitis. I looked into and considered having plastic surgery (skin graft) to reduce the scar, but decided against the idea of anymore surgery at this point. Wearing a sleeveless shirt you could notice the scarring of each of my armpits from being on so many antibiotics and the skin in that area breaking down. On top of those scars, my c-section had to be re-opened and the scar is much more severe that normal c-sections. I have loose skin around the c-section that just hangs as well. It’s not a huge amount of skin, but there is no amount of exercise that will snap it back. It’s the result of being immobile for two months after having a baby. I also have multiple small scars my legs from the life support machine I was on, on my chest from a chest tube, on my arms due to all the picc lines and even on my butt from pressure ulcers. Like I said, most people will look at me and never see any of this, but I see them every single time I look at myself. I want to lose 25 pounds to be happier with my weight, but I know that won’t make me happy with my body. It’s my biggest struggle. I know logging my food, staying within my recommended daily calories (1400) and skipping the fast food will help me obtain the goal of losing weight so I’m going to keep those goals and work on them and myself. I’ve also decided to go drop the 30 day shred and go back to running since I felt much more accomplished when I did it. It’s also a bonus that it doesn’t require me to do it everyday which made me feel like I had failed for missing one day. I started back at week 2 and I’ve already completeled it. Sunday I will start week three. I’m working on telling myself that while I may not be happy with my body I know losing weight will make me happier and happiness doesn’t have to be all or nothing. So this week I’m really focusing on this goal.

To help me lose 25 pounds this week I am going to...
  Log all food that goes into my mouth all week long.
  Stay within my daily calorie count.
  No fast food this week
  Eat out only once this weekend- I always blow my calorie count eating out.
  Complete week 3 of C25K...and don't die

Lastly I said…To better myself professionally this week I am going too...
  Study at least one hour a night through the week.
  Complete all homework for my first class on July 9th.

I did great on this goal as well. I made sure to spend at least one hour a day through the weekend studying and did well in my class on Tuesday. This week’s goal is going to be the same thing with some additional exercises.

To better myself professionally this week I am going too...
  Study at least one hour a night through the week.
  Complete all homework for class on July 22nd.
  Try to find 20 questions from a previous exam about material I’ve covered and answer those questions.

It feels good to have goals for myself and even better to actually accomplishing them. I know from past experiences that with enough hard work I can accomplish anything and I hope for the patience to be OK with baby steps not perfection.

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